How many times have you laid in bed at night wondering who the person is laying beside you? Resentment has replaced happiness. Fights are where fun used to be. Silence is all that’s left where intimacy used to live. Now, every talk turns into an argument and every day turns into another lonely night wondering how it got this way. When did the two of you become nothing more than angry roommates?
What happens when you wake up five or ten years from now, and the kids are grown and have left the house, and there’s nothing left between you two but resentment and a lot of hurtful words you can’t take back? When did it get so bad?
You want to actually have a conversation without it turning into a fight. You’re dying to feel loved, and cherished, and appreciated – something more than just one-half of the so-called partnership trying to keep the household running. You want to want to feel the same way you did on your wedding night. Your marriage doesn’t have to be over, and we can work with you to get it back.
Looking for the best in our relationships
What marriage should be is a place where we each become better as we grow with our spouse and create a loving, fun, happy, unbreakable union. But what marriage really is can be vastly different depending on your situation. What it shouldn’t be is a toxic, hurtful environment where you aren’t sure if you can trust the other person or whether or not your marriage is worth it.
Marriage is a blessing from God, and a Christ-centered marriage is a place where we can all become better. A married couple goes through a lot of phases and seasons in life together. Some of them, many of them, are amazing and can be full of building great memories.
Others can be hard. Some are really traumatic. Maybe it’s because your partner had an affair, or you found out they’ve been watching pornography. It could be because you just don’t know how to communicate and you feel like all you’re doing is fighting. Perhaps you’ve been together for a while and it feels like you’ve grown apart, and you just don’t have that “spark” anymore.
How to get it back
The strength of any relationship is reflected in how well the couple connects to each other. How well are you connected to your spouse? If you’re here because your partner had an affair, or if you feel like the relationship is falling apart, chances are you’re not connected very well at all.
What is the number one goal of your marriage? If it’s taking care of the kids, or making sure you work hard enough to get the house, car, or life you want, you’re doing it wrong. If your number one goal is anything except connecting with your spouse, you may find your marriage full of heartache, anger and bitterness.
If you want to get your marriage back to where it should be (or take it to where it should have been in the first place), you have to learn to connect with your spouse.
No matter your situation, there is hope
The beauty of marriage is that you can reconnect, even if you’re not sure how. At Revive Christian Counseling, we believe love deserves a chance, and if you’re reading this, chances are you do too. Honestly though, it’s not an easy process. When your marriage is off the rails, it takes hard work to get it to where you need it to be. People who are willing to put the work in, to learn to communicate and forgive and truly listen to the heart of their spouse find a lot of success and long-lasting marriages.
How to know when it’s time for marriage counseling
We get asked a lot, “How do I know when it’s time to go to counseling? Is this something we can just work out, or do we need help?” Ask yourself if any of these situations relate to you:
- You don’t feel heard
- You can’t find a compromise
- You can’t imagine your future together
- You feel stuck
- You have the same fight over and over
- You don’t feel supported
- You don’t trust them
- You can’t make decisions together
As you’re reading these situations, and you think “Yep, that’s me,” that’s a pretty good indication it’s time to take a serious look at marriage counseling. Remember, it’s not a bad thing to ask for help. It shows you’re willing to take a step to make things better. It’s an investment in your future.
What to expect
Honestly, if you’re feeling nervous about sharing your deepest, darkest secrets with a stranger you’re not alone. And if the thought of talking to somebody about all the ways you and your spouse are struggling makes you anxious, you’re in good company.
First and foremost, our offices are a safe space where you’re welcome to share anything that’s on your heart. It’s a place where people have talked about the good, the bad, and the ugly. When you come here, no matter what you’ve done, no matter what you say, you’re not judged and you’re not condemned. We all make mistakes. We’ve all done things we’re not proud of. And there are things we all wish we could take back. While you can’t change the past, you can come in confident that whatever you share and whatever you say stays between you, your spouse, and your therapist. And no matter what you reveal – you’re in a safe place to share your heart.
In counseling, we’ll walk through the struggles you’re facing and look to see what brought you there. We’re not so much interested in beating you over the head with the mistakes you or your spouse have made, but rather, where you can go from here. We’ll look at what God says about relationships and how He calls us to live in our marriages. You’ll have the opportunity to learn about your needs – how to put them into words – and your strengths and weaknesses. This approach toward marriage counseling helps to empower you and your spouse to love and accept each other – giving you the ability to truly connect with each other’s heart.
What you’ll learn
Throughout the process, you and your spouse will be able to learn to trust again. You’ll have the opportunity to work together to figure out what the goals of your relationship really are. You’ll get to learn how to have real conversations, set boundaries and pick up the pieces. You’ll get to use your new communication tools when hard times come. You’ll also learn how to have forward thinking, so you can work together to turn disagreements into agreements.
It’s always beneficial when both spouses can commit to the counseling process, but that isn’t always possible. Sometimes it’s a scheduling issue, an issue of work, or because the other person believes he or she doesn’t need to come to counseling. But a lot people can benefit from coming to marriage counseling, even if their spouse doesn’t join them. Don’t let the other person’s inability or refusal to come hold you back.
Zakk Gammon, MA, LCPC works with couples who are struggling with communication, intimacy and trust.
Zakk’s approach to marriage counseling is to help each spouse find peace in their relationship by helping each person to see their part in the situation and they can make it better.
Jordan Daugherty, CTC works with couples who are looking to make life-lasting changes in their relationship and helps them heal the pain they’re feeling
Jordan’s approach to marriage counseling is to help spouses find compromise in disagreements, hope in their hurting, and reigniting the spark in their relationship.
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